SHE AINT A KID. </3

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

few daes no blog le..lazi to blog..now blog le also no one see de..last time blog for him to c..now dun even think he will gib it a damn le..soo wat for keep on bloggin..

dae before yest: went out wit jia wen n ah si...den go cwp walk walk take neoprints...den go ahsi hse..den go makan together...kor went to fetch mi home den jia wen go my hse stay..hahax..yuppies soo like tt onli lo..nth much bahx

yest: went for breakfast with jiawen den go 609 play bball awhile..after dat go home do cross stitch den go out at abt 1++ .. go find ah hao dey all..lolxx..after that went home at 4++ den continue with my cross stitch...after tt go ah ma hse eat...den jiawen mum came to my hse at 12++ to fetch her back..

todae: went out at 11++ go find kel at funland den go 609 play bball till abt 7++ bahx...after dat go home le..sianx..haix..moodswing again lehx..dunno why i think of him again le..haix..

~i feel that i am not bein myself animore le...e smiles i smile now are gettin faker and faker le..no longer tt cheerful and real de le..i dun even noe myself now..i feel like i am a total stranger to myself le..i fake my laughter jux to show tt i am fine but am i overdoin it..haixx maybe bahxx~

~duNno whY ...i feel soo mentally tired le..i realli no energy to carry on le. but i dun bear to gib up..am i too stubborn *maYbe*...y so long le i still cannot let goo..i am such a failure or is tt i had fallen in too deep..the feelin tt he is right dere but den u cant go near him is such a torture...i noe as long as he is happi everythin is worth so i can onli jux go awae cox he is happier like this..and i can onli hide all e pain inside myself..maYbe is all my fault bahx..regret for not lovin u with my heart and treasurin u more when u r wit mi..haixx~

~i am goin to break down soon le..wo zhao bu dao jian qiang de li you...wo zhao bu dao huo xia qu de yuan yin...i rather no joy's sis past awaes..i rather is miiii...i rather i get hit by a car and i jux die off....at least i have no more worries once i am dead..aniwae nobods will care ant my life n death le..~

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Friday, November 26, 2004

slept at 4am..wakie at 12noon...merely 8hrs of sleep..hahax..went out at abt 1pm go find kel at funland den after tt go 609 play bball..hahax...nv wear shoe play den kena blister..*paIn*

he got go for trainin lehx...does tt means he goin back to school team le mahx...i hope soo bahx...feel soo happi when i heard tt he went for trainin..cox atleast he nv give up bball..he wen to 609 also after trainin..feel so malu to see him..haixx...

sianx havin moodswing again...feel so moodless lehx..haix i realli dun wanna face e fact tt he is no long dere for mi le..i realli dun wanna face the fact tt he is no longer mine le..can i choose not to face all these mahx..can i?? y must all he do is for my good...i am cryin almost everydae...i may be soo silly to wait to love him...but that is the least i can do for him bahx...beside tt wat can i do..i everything also dun wan...i jux wan to love him...if time were to go back i will still choose him i wont regret de...but do i realli have to do wat that sum1 sae mahx...but den i realli dun bear to...maybe like wat thomas sae bahx some things u dun bear u also have to let go de cox its is not within ur choice..

caN i make the choice be within my choice mahx...hE understand wat mi and thomas talkin..maybe like tt also good bahx..atleast he noe tt my heart is sealed le after him no one is able to enter le...cox i jux wanna be his gal...

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maYbe u wan mi to finD sumone betteR for my haPPiness bahx...

buT u nV thiNK i waN maHx

i duN waN..

i noe whO is mY hapPiness...i noE whO caN bring mi e happiness i need..

duN maKe anI choice foR mi caN mahx...

cox e one who can bring mi e happiness i need is UUUUU...

onlY uUUUUuu

nI haI huI zaI xIanG yI qIan yI yanG gUan xiN wo mahx..

nI hai Ji de wO men zhi jiaN de aI mahx

nI haI ji de wO de xIn haI zaI ni de sHenG bIaN mahx..

Ni haI aI wO ma..

wOOO aII nIII...wO yaO zHe yanG aII zHe nII..

*tIan tIan kU qI de wO* *mooDlEss*

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BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Thursday, November 25, 2004

todae went to sch early in e morning to pass up consent form.... den went for breakfast with felicia and wendy...after tt wendy come my hse den wait for mi change shirt...hahax

after tt went to bugis meet trudy and cyn..after tt we all 4 go watch incredibles..hahaz

nice show man...very funny hahax..laugh till i stomach pain sia..hahax..after e movie we went to bugis village shop shop..soo many nice clothes but den no $$ to buy..hahax nvm wait till i save money den can le..heex...sHop till ard 5++ den went home le...had a fun dae..

haixx...sTupid thomass...make mi soo ma lu..arghhhh..hahax....

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

wO haI aI nI...

wO zhI xIanG zHe yanG aI zHe nI..

bU gUan Fa sHen sHe mE sHi.

wO duO Yao aI zHe nI..

haO xIanG ni..

jIu yI zHi zHe yaNg xIanG zHe nI..

sHui raN bU nenG zaI he nI yI qI..

wO zHi xIanG raN nI zHi dAo

wO haI zaI deNg nI...

wO zHi xI wanG nI kaI xiN..

zuI hOu wO biaN cHen zHe yanG dOu bU yOnG jiNg..

yIng wEi zHi yaO nI kUai le..

wO sHui yI..

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BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Tuesday, November 23, 2004

tOdaE arx..wakie at 9++ den meet jena at 11 at nP cox she givin mi my consent form for e camp...aFter tt went home le..den come out again..hahax..meet jiahao at funland...but den he n kk ps mi..he go kk hse den i go cc find auntie tok tok lo..den meet wendy at cc lo..after tt we walk walk den go JasoN hse there take bball from him den go playy bball lo..plaY in e rain very shuang..haax

after tt wendy went back lerss...den cg they all come..haha den play lo..play pressure..den i lose den gotta choose true or dare..mi take true...den sum1 ask if he was to patch will i..my ans in i dunno...cox mi realli dunno...i very scare bein hurt again..but somehow i hope tt he will be beside mi again lehx..haha *coNfUseD*

play till 6 den go hme le...*roTtiN aT hOme* hahax

really cant stop myself from thinkin of him..hmmpt...when will i be able to walk up..haix...let nature take its course bahx..hahax...

heaD soo paIn...maybe coz in rain too long le bahx..hahax....

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wO ai nI...

aI zHe nI..

Jiu xIanG laO shU aI dA mI..

bU guaN yoU dUo sHaO feNg yU..

wO dOu hUi yI RaN peI zHe nI..

wO xIanG ni...

xIanG zHe nI..

bU guAn yOu dUo ke ku..

zHi yaO neNg raN ni KaI xiN..

wO sHe me dOu yUaN yI..

I loVe U stIll...i aM sTill waItiN..

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tOdaE arx..feelin much better..haas..wenT to fa xie at 609 at 1++ den played till abt 7++ bahx..hahax..he also dere...feelin happier to c him happier too..hhaax...suDdenlY feel thaT mI n hIm sUm how like drIftiN further...haix...hahax..nvM ..i believe tIme caN heaL everythiN de bahx..hahax...

aS loNg as he is gooD...waTeva i becuM is okaY de..hahax...buT does he noes that i am sheddin tears for him mahx..haixx...iTs been 17 daes after break le..and yet i am still here thinkin of him..haix..just find it soo hard to let goo..but i noe i will de..one daex...hahax..

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xIanG huI daO gUo qU...

hE nI yI qI shI dE shI hoU..

wO haO xIanG liaN nI de sHeNg YinG

wO xIanG liaN ni De eVerythIn..

DanG nI gU daN nI huI xIanG qI shUi [wO huI xIanG nI]

Ni xIanG bu xIanG zHaO ge Ren laI peI [wO yaO ni PeI]

Ni de Quai le sHanG beI zHi yOu wO NenG tI huI [iS tt tRue?]

RaNg wo zAi pei ni ZhuO yI huI [haO mahx]

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BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Sunday, November 21, 2004

sLp at 3am...wakie at 8.45am...jux merely 5hrs of slp..cryin through e nite thiNkin oF hiM...e daE wheN i agreed to be his gal gal was 2mth ago...21st of sept...haix...soo fast two month le..buT den we didnt manage to celebrate this two month together..haix...

nOw 21st of every month is a damn sad dae for mi..but e memories r beautiful...haix..i dun wanna let goo..i didnt even had a chance to sae those 3 wrds[i love u] to him..i didnt even had a chance to tell him that when i am alone i will tink of him and i need him...i nv had e chance to sae all these le..cox he left mi alone in this darkness..leavin mi alone to face my fears...MY gREATEST FEAR[he leaVe mi]..

buT i noe i need to move on..i cant nv jux live in memories de..i have to face e reality...buT all i wanna noe is have he realli forgotten mi..have he realli gave up on mi..but i noe i will nv get e ans de...haixx...every nite before i slp..i told myself i gotta be strong i musnt think of him..but den no matter how hard i tried..my heart longs for him...

maYbe jux like wat someone said: he is happier le..like last time le..why don u jux let him goo...

i will let him goo...i am tryin to do soo...but den i dun wanna repeat my mistake..i dun wanna regret....

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i Cho0sE to lOve u In slIenCe..cox In slIenCe i FinD no ReJecTioN

I cHoosE to HolD u TiGht..cox I duN waNna RegreT thaT i dIdnT hold u TighTly..

i chOosE to lOve U..cox I noE u r e one whO caN brIng mI hapPiNess..

I cho0se tO let tIme tO heaL my wOunDs..sO as Time passes bY...maYbe one daE i wiLL jux leT gOo le...

aLL i waNNa noE is ThaT..do i sTill meaNs somethiN to u..truefully..dO i...

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BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Saturday, November 20, 2004

ToDae waKie aT 10++ deN waTch tv till aBt 1++ deN go out le...gO nP walk walk den bougHt a sHirt den went to meet kel..kwang...luqi at FoOdcourt...after that go wit them to fUnLanD after that go 165 meet ah hao dey all..hahax...ermxx he also there..lolxx felt a mixture of sad n happi to c him..haix...thought i will actually forget him more cox 4 daes no c him le..in e end turned out that i cried..hahax,...I AM SO WEAK...

erMxx plaY awhIle deN ah PinG deY all go eat den Mi walk hoMe myseLf..i siaO le..i walK e bus roUte..ahahx..deN i pass by e paTh he used to sent mi back..the bbalL coUrt..teaRx rolLed down again..haix..

I caNt reFraIn myselF again...msG him again le..i acTuallY wanna saE out my feelin de..but den i am feared of rejection...haix...nan dao wo he ni jiu zhe yang jie shu le mahx...i dun wan to end it..i didnt even have realli treasure u i didnt even have time to sae i love u den u go le...haix...

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i MusT fiNd a waY oUt

i caNNoT staY like thIs foreVa

bUT wat haD i becUm

evEr since U wenT awaEx

I loSt mYseLf coMpleTely

i dUn eveN Noe e xIao tiaN nOw..

haiXXx

I neeD to FiGuRe oUt mY owN paTh..

mY oWn smIle..

coX i noe U wiLL nV be aBle to let mi RelY oN le..

Jux tO leT u nOe thaT

aS loNg as U r hapPi

waTeveR i dO is wOrtH

anD lasTlY..

tO mi u R alWaex iMpT

anD i LOve U..

i stiLL waNNna be uR gaL tiLL e sky falL down oN mi..

LoVe ya

MuaCkxx

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BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Friday, November 19, 2004

JoLin[Ni haI aI wO maHx]

ye li chuan lai yu de sheng yin qing qing bo dong xin de xuan luuqing bu zi jin xiang dao ni na xie tian mi de hui yizong shi bu xiao xin jiu lin shi le wo de yan jingai qing xu yao yi xie hu xi ou er bao chi yi dian ju lihui dao peng you de guan xi ren ni zi you de lai qucong ci xiang nian ni zhi neng fang zai wo xin lini huan ai wo ma yi zhi hao xiang wen ni zhe ju huaque you pa ting dao ni zhen shi de hui dani huan ai wo ma wei he ni zong shi bu shuo huayan kan wo wei ai bu ai zheng zhani ai wo ma hao jiu mei you ni de xiao xixin li huan dian ji zhao nizai zhe leng leng de ye li gan jue na me de shou xihao xiang zai jian ni xiang ting ting ni de sheng yingan qing de lu zong rang ren hao wu zhu wo hui xue zhao mian dui du chugei shen ai de ni zhu funi huan ai wo ma yi zhi hao xiang wen ni zhe ju huaque you pa ting dao ni zhen shi de hui dani huan ai wo ma zhe shi wo wei yi de qian guabu guan ni hui you shen me hui dawo hui yi zhi deng ni ni huan ai wo ma

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tOdaE nth much lo..wakie at 12 den went out at 1++ ...sianx...hahaz went to meet siNdy at northpoint den go wit her to woodland[mac] den wait for her and thomas to finish their orientation with ah hao and ah ping..theY fiNish at abT 5 den after that go plaY bbalL le..hahax

plaYed tiLL abt 7+ lo den mI go back first..hahax..[sad..he and his frenx goin to play bball later den i cannot so late go home ..haix..miss him]

waLk pasT thaT familaR roUte which he used to send mI home...that place where i gave him e jersey and he gave mi e letter...unknowingly..tears welled up eyes..haix..told myself that i musnt think of him..but ended up i miss him..haix..

Y is forgettin someone u love so difficult..haix...NaN daO wO he NI zHeN de Bu Ke NeNg le MaHx...wO xianG YonG yUan peI zaI nI sHenG BiaN..wo xIanG sheN sheN shI shI aI zhe NI..haixx..but all these seem so impossible le..haixx

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*nI haI aI wO maHx..

*yI zHi haO xiaNg wEn ni zHe Ju Hua

*qUe yOu pA nI zHeN sHi de HuI da..

*mY dear..

*y dOes fOrgeTtiN u seeM so IMpOssIbLe

*tHe haRder I trY..tHe haRdeR iT is for mi to forGet u

*u jUsT seeM so UnrePlacEaBle to Mi

*i caN nO loNgeR loVe U lIke i dO

*coX u ForbIds mI tO dO so0..

*U foRbiDs mi tO taKe anI sTePs closeR to U..

*maYbe iTs mi noT worth For U bahx..

*buT iN mY heaRt

*sOtoNg wiLL alwaEs loVe BaBa[mOuse]

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BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Wednesday, November 17, 2004

TodaE weNt out at abT 12++ bahx..went to ChoMp PanG cc...plaYed bbalL in e raIn..fun lo..play till i wet wet de..hahax...[like jux bathe like tt]..fUn sehx hahax...plaYed till abT 7++ den went back le...[of cox not so pro la played continuously de..in between got eat..talk and shop] hahax..kel showed mi a msg that i almost get over le[he sent to kel: for mY happiness he bear to leave mi...haix i saw le..my tears started to well up my eyes]
wenT hoMe aloNe..walk home bY myself along that familar paTh...missiN him alot hoPin tt he will be beside mi to accoMpany mi lo.[tHis dae wiLL nv coMe baHx]haix..tears welled up my eyes and drop down unknowingly..hahax..[alwaes think that i goT over le..buT in e eNd i DiDnT..i am such a failure..aRgHH]
hE went for chalet le..hahax..didnt get to see him todae..dunno y i feel like carin and seein him has become a habot le..hahax..ermxx kindda misses him..thiNk he had a greaT time bahx...[duN even noe he will miss mi mahx..maybe no bahx..maybe he got over mi long ago le bahx..][arGhh stUpiD eRiC...idIoT erIc..y is My miNd fuLL of U anD jux U..whY canT u be rePlacEd argHH..y u leaVe mI befOre i maNagE to ReacH theRe..y u aBaNdoN mi oN e waYx leaVin mI aloNe in e daRkness..arghh i MISS u..arghh]

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EvErYtiMe i TrY,
I fLy..I faLL w/o mY winGx,
I feeL so sMall..
I guEss..i NeeD u BabY..

bIe sHuO dUi bU qI..
bIe raNg wo sHanG le xiN caI shUo..
bU shI gU yI..
wO qUe wU fa Guai nI...

I aM waItiN..
I aM aLwaEs bY ur sIde
buT whEre R U..
wHerE r U wHen i NeeDed U..
arGhh..
U r dEeP in my heaRt..
I loVe U..

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BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Monday, November 15, 2004

---* mI *----* sUcKz riTex *----

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^~mI n weN aGaiN~^

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[weI weI]--[mY 2nD idOl]

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~*wEn n Mi*~

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[fuLL oF kiDz] the oNe in YellOw is BdaE boY

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[TinG n EnG weI]...

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~mY nO.1 iDoL..~ wEI xUan~ [cUte?]

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waKie at 12 todaEx..pro seh mi first time sleep soo loNg..hahax..feeLin beTter le maYbe i learned to accept thIngs as iT is le bahx..hahax..or maybe i think through le[sad or happi still mux live ..so y not stay happi]...i realli dunno jux hafta the feelin that i everythin also dun wanna care le..hahax

aMazInlY..hE rePlied mY msG tellin mi thatx hes okay..hahax...and thnk mi for concering him..lolz..i was like hahax but wat for thnk mi..lolxx...hearin tt he is better le...i really feel happier and lighter in mood..hahax

wenT for mY cousiN bdaE..lolxx..soo many ppl hahax verY rI nOu...hahax staYed tiLL abT 9.15 den wenT backie le..hahax..sia la eat alot sehx[mux jian fei le] hahax...den took some picx...hahax...plaYed the fLuTe..lolx difficult lo need use alot of air de..hahax..

HAPPi BDaE eNg weI hahax

``maYbe i LeaRned tO accEpT thInGx as iT is Le baHx``

``i aM trYin tO waLk out frOm thE pasT tO faCe a FutUrE``

``buT iT seEmx s0 haRd coX u r nO longeR wiT mi Le``

``buT jux beaR in mInD thaT i wiLL be TherE wHen u neeD mi``

``wIll u Be theRe too wHen I neeD u?``

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waKie uP toDaE at 11...trYin to leaD this tOoTy liFe of mIne agaiN..hahax..fakIn ouT e smile aGaIn...same roUtine everydaE ever since he left mi..[wake up.and fake smile for e dae]..

wenT oUT to meeT hao dey all deN go wesT mall sHop..hahax..he also wenT there..lol..amazinly..i am nOt afraId to face him..[maYbe i aM numbed le bahx..duN wanna crY oR is thaT i aM jux hidIn]..

afTer waLk waLk at west mall den go play bball at BukIt baTok there..plaYed till abT 6++ den go bacK yishUn le..[sTupid theM la..hahax..keep saein mI hornY..especially HIM haha..mi is high noT hornY lo..lolx] he wenT home firsT den go cc fiNd us..when he came his mooD sad sad de...haix,,[duN wan sae le] but i waS sad wHeN i see hIm like tHis..haix..haviN e ruSh to calL him..but den no couraGe..maybe like wat sumone sae..i shld leave him alone and He wilL be fiNe le..hahax..maybe bahx..haixx...

sTayed tiLL abt 9 den i wenT backie le..haix...saD to walK that patH bacK..tears rolled down..i miss e daEs he used to senT mi hoMe aloNg thaT paTh..haix..nOw hes Gone ..i need tO geT use to e LOneliness to faCe e facT thaT he caNt senD mi hOme animore le..haix

peRhaRpx he doesnT eveN noe my feelIn now..mY feelin for him..the thIngs i did..maYbe he goT hiMselF anoTher sweeT hearT le..[whO noEs]..maybe he is soo daMn de hapPY w/o mI bahx..maYbe he is leaDin his Life beaUtifuLLy stIll bahx..hahax

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wHenevEr I clOse my eYes..

mY mind is FuLL oF u..fuLL of e MemOries we once haD..

eVerY nigHt and Daex,

i LooK uP to e sKy anD praY..

hOpiN thaT u r soUnD aNd saFe..

hoPiN thaT u wiLL fInd uR hapPiness One daEx..

hOPiN thaT u wIll be haPPi anD healthY alwaeS..

mY deaR,

nOw thaT u r Gone..

i RegrEt for Not hOldiN u tIght..

aLL i caN dO..

iS tO hOld oN tO e meMories we HaD..

mIssiN u..hOpiN tt U r sAfe anD soUnd..

nOw ThaT i aM no lOnGer bY uR sIdE..

pls i BeGg..

taKe go0d caRe of UrselF lIke U alwaEs asK mI t0..

tO mI..nO maTTer waT haPPeNx

U r aLwaeS imPt tO mi...

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BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Saturday, November 13, 2004

sLepT at 4.45am..wakie at 10am...less den 6hrs of sleep..thinkin throughout e nite wat sumone told mi...hiax hoPin tt i caN sleeP on forever..i duN wannA facE e harsH realiTy..wakIn uP everY morNin trYin to smIle liKe everytHinG goiN well[noThIn wroNg..noT huRt]..it is really very tougH buT i nOe i mux do iT coX nO one wiLL wanna see anione sad...and wit one ppl sad will affect everyone moods...soo i gotta smIle..

HaTe LiFe..haTe the HarsH reaLiTy oF liVin anD loVe...haTe mYseLf..haTe evErythIn

tOdaE wenT to vIsiT felicIa agaIn..she look better le..if i not wrong she can be discharged tml le..hahax..after tt went to novena square walk walk..realli quite fun lo..have a good laugh hahax...dunno is from e bottom of my heart or wat...laugh real hard lo...wenT bacK at abt 6++ bahx..

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just like birds in the skies, i would hope to be close to you, but no matter how close i am to you, there is just this one thing that keeps me away, your heart, the further you are from me, the nearer i want to be to you, but the nearer i am to you, the further you are from me, i can't forget the past, and i can't go back to the past to change the things which should not have happened, i do not have magic powers to change the past, the more i wanted to, the more it would haunt me, but i do know that i have the power to change the future, to change the way i look at you, to change the way i think and miss you, to finally let go of you and our past, i know it would be hard, it must be hard so that i would never take the past to the future, i would not say i would try or i would do my best, i would tell myself, i must do it, it's now or never, if not then when? things would drag on and on and on, it's like a neverending story, and so from this moment on, i shall look high up into the sky and tell myself that, just like the birds in the sky, i am going to look far and fly high instead of flying close to you

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looking back at the rain warm tears sprung out from my eyes i couldnt hold back anymore now that he wouldnt be here with me anymore somehow it was he who put me back from pieces now he had crushed me again to pieces

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It has been long, Since we're together, But you have changed alot, No more love in your heart, Only memories left for me, I have to realise that, We are different now. It seems impossible, for us to be togheter again, Let me keep this dissapoinment, Let me be the one to surrender, I wont stop you, As long as you're happy, Maybe all this is.. My fault

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BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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tOdaE wenT to see FlC at ttsH...haix..sad to see her ..she look weak..hope she will recover soon..hahax..goin to visit her tml again..toDae after visitin her mi n kel go woodland find eric dey all...den suMthin happen..dun wanna sae..deN wenT back at abt 9++ with sindy and thomas..thomas sent mi to my hse downstairs..thnks..[thomas..kk..him..keep on sae mi horny..soo bad de lo..mi is high not horny haha..dunno lehx accidently look at each other into e eyes..mi havin e rush to call him aiai again but i noe i cant..haix]

I noe my fren cares..they alwaes sae [takax..dun think too much..cheerie up..]but maybe tis r jux tempo help to heal my wounds..the permanent help is still him bahx...waT i wannA heaR is his words of concern...

i am tryin to walk out from e shadow..i wanna move on but every steps i made pushes mi back to e place where i fell..i wanna wait but how long can i wait...i noe i have foreva to wait..

E worsT feelin i am experiencin now is tt...i am jux next to him but den i am forbidden to move a step to be closer to him..i can onli love him silently..i can onli c him being happi...i am realli so afraid that he will be wit another gal..but i noe that dae will come sooner or later..but wat am i gonna do gonna sae gonna react if tt dae ever comes...

mY cheeKx huRts froM all e pretence smilex..huRt froM all e pretendin laughter...buT i now i gonna smile cox he dun wanna see mi sad ... cox my friends dun wanna see mi sad too...i am tryin to find my way out..to help myself up..to find my real smile..to stop relyin on him..but its soo hard...so hard to stop relyin on him..so hard to smile everything jux seem so hard to mi now..

i have been havin small appetite for these few daes...extremely small..wit jux afew thingy for e whole dae..i jux feel like fadin off..i jux feel like sleepin on foreva..cox everthing in dream is soo perfect..i hate to wake up cox i have to fake another smile to show i am okay..hate to wake up cox tears would fill up my eyes...life jux soo terrible for mi..

i am sick and tired of ppl askin y i cant give others a chance le..really tired le..the reason is i am waitin for him..my heart longs for him..i dun wan anione but him...

EverYthing jux doesnt seem to fall in place..evrything jux seem to be like playin wit mi..haix..i hate e feelin without him..i hate the dae w/o his voice...but wat can i doo..i can onli hope to hear a [beep] from my hp with a msg from u askin mi how i am..with a little love and concern which u used to shower mi wit...i aM realli not used to dae without u..i am realli lost in ways w/o u..

i caN do noThin..maybe i can onli hope that one dae we will be back again..cox in my heart i am sure that u r e one who let mi feel loved and happiness..u r e one who made mi realised that i am so fortunate and happy...

[feeliN better afteR ritein my feelin out le..]

***haTe tO waKe uP..feel like sleepiN on***

***haTe tO faKe all mY smilex to sHoW u i aM fiNe***

***buT i wiLL nV haTe to lOVe U anD waiT foR u***

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Thursday, November 11, 2004

tOdaE haD a qUarreL wiT my mUmm...sHe forcE mi gO ahyi hse buT i duN waN..haixx...sUan le...forgeT it its over le..aniway i am iN e wrOng also...

den meeT jiawen 12 aT ocbc den go swiMMin together...swim till abT 2.30 den we gO plaY bbaLL at 609 le cox jiaweN sae wanna go alonG..hahax...

erMxx he alsO dere...i cant stoP myselF for carIn hiM..i canT restRicT myselF frOm lOOkin aT him..haixx...iTs a habIt le..i c hiM smiLe i auto wiLL smiLe de hahax..i c hiM sad i also auTo sad de...haixx...is iT my oveRsensitive..y dO i stiLL c caRe..cOnceRn..LoVe iN uR eYex...y caN i fEeL e feeLiN stIll..haixx...i trIed mY verY besT to smIle infroNt of U..i trIed to be haPpI to show u ThaT i wiLL be fiNe buT deN is That mY reaL feeLin maHx...i duNnO...

haixx..faN aRxx...one proB noT over coMe anoTher..haix one guY froM yckss waNna jiO mi..buT i reJecTed le..althoUgh he reaLLi noT bad buT too baD mY heaRt onli loNg for HiM... mI reaLLi noT gooD de..anD i duN wanNa history to repeat[usiN someone tO forgeT anotheR ppl...so i duN waNna use this yckss guy to forgeT hIM so i rejected]

i aM a verY baD..ruDe..uGly..stUpiD..blUr..sIllY..sTubbORn..LIaN geRl...i duN woRth anIone..haixx...FAN ARHX...i duN waNNa lIVE..LIFE SUX TO MI..LOVE SUX TOO..

~Y dO my heaRt loNg for U..Y haS u becOme parT of mY liFe~

~y nO on3 caN evEr rePlaCe U..~

~aLL e aNs tO e qUesTioN is dUe tO i LOVE u~

~i haTe tO smiLe afteR i cRy tO shOw thaT i aM noT huRT~

~hate tO giggLe to shOw i wiLL be fiNe~

~i StiLL loVe U..buT i haD tO saE g0oD-bYe..~

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Wednesday, November 10, 2004

toDaE wenT out at 1++ meet kel at nP to go walK walK..dEn go his hOusE heLp hiM dye haIr..after tt gO 609 meet thomas.. you yi.. yong yi..play bball...feelin better le although dunno y will still miss him...

play till 7++ den weNt back home le..sianxx..mi gonna burst soon le..am i realli fakin my smile..am i fakin my everythin...my emotion lo..?? maybe arz..i also dunno wat i doinn

~i n0e wh0 i waN..i waN u...juZ u...f0reva U...~

~i waNnA sTay by ur sid3 forevA...cAn i...~

~Ni hAo ai wO ma...yi zhi ha0 xIang w3n ni zhe ju hua~

~qUe y0u pa..ni zHeN sHi d3 hui da..~

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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todae morniNg at 8..pris went back le..bird went but at 10...haha didnt sleep at all lo...yest 6 am den sleep..haha..

toDae loaD so many pic of mi sehx..hahaz...zi lian cant blame ...hahaz...todaE almost rot at home lucky felicia tan acc mi go walk walk or else sure rot de...den i go P9 go buy my cappy..hahaz..walk walk till 4++ den go home le..siaNsaTioN hahaz

reacH home le..find ppL chat wit mI den go call faN thoMas..hahaz...the rest all go swimmin den ps mi..hahaax..went to 165 at nighT ...ermx hai hao lo at least got look at each other lo..hahax

buT stuNned cox he suddenly like scold alot of vulgar lo...dunno wat get into him lo..haix..ermxx see him smile realli brIghTen up my sulken face...although i force myself to smiLe la..hahax.. wenT back at 9++ den go chase bus...stupid bus dun wan wait for mi den i walk home lo..so scary...got ppl walk pass mi.. i wonder is ghost or human lo..hhaahxz...i walk super fast lo..cox scare..hahaxz...den reach home feel very safe..hahaax

~+ I waNna sTanD wiT u oN e MOuNtaIn tOp +~

~+ I waNna be wiT U tiLL e skY faLLz dOwN +~

~+ i waNNa tO loVe u lIke i Nv loVe anIone BefoRe +~

~+ sO thaT i woULd TreasUre U moRe deN evEr +~

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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[mI wiT mY aRTisT caP][kaWaII neHx]

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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+* zI liaN aHahZ *+ sPorTy eHxx +*

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~tHaT mI wiT mY new CaP..hahaZ~

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Tuesday, November 09, 2004

sianx...todae went out at 11++ to play bball..hahaxx...nv eat den go out play le...play till very hungry den almost faint sia...played till abt 2 bahx...saw him..haix..dunno how to react but wat can i do..since he wanna mi smile to be happi den i smile lo..act normal lo..no matter how sad i am ..i still must put on a smile to let him c...haix...must eat although dun feel like eatin cox dun wan him to feel useless..but does he noe that i am doin all these for him not for myself mahx...does he noe that i still care mahx...does he noe my feelin mahx..haixxx

went out again at 4++ to meet birdie they all at ocbc to watch huan le tian feng...i saw him and kk gettiN down e bus..haix..feelin e rush to call him dear again but no longer got e chance le..haix..den reACH mediacorp at 6 den watch till 1++ hahax..pris and birdie came my hse to ton..hahax

haix...why do i miss him everynight...haix..can i still continue to love u...can i still choose to stay by ur side...can i still be ur xiao tian...i noe i cant le...haixx...why leave mi alone when i haven reach there...u promise not to leave mi alone de..but now...i noe tian zhong hui hei..ren zhong hui li bie shui dou bu neng yong yuan wei shui..haixx....but is there realli nth that will last..

***whO caN leT mi finD bacK mY sMilE***

***whO caN let mi fInD bacK myselF***

***caN i coNtiNu3 to Be bY ursIde anD loVe U?***

***i dun waNNa stOp loVin U..***

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Monday, November 08, 2004

** noT haPpI..waN fiGht aR **

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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** bLuR bLur..thInkIn of U **

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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**mI wiT haIr uP**

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Sunday, November 07, 2004

haix...blog alot of lyricx..all represent my feeling de..haha..tOdae feelIn abit better le maybe cox crY for 2 daes le...all cry out le..haixx...i realli miss him alot alot..his voice..his smile..his everythin...but sumhow i noe its impossible le..haixx...my smile is gone too..gone le..no longer that familiar smile when i am wit him le...haven been realli eatin much..but at least for him i eat..haixx..

can be his best fren i very happi le..he wont forget mi i very contented le..hee...but sorri for my stubborness and silliness to wait ...sorri...duN because of my letter and u avoid mi hao mah..we r alwaes best frenx...and i mean it..although i dun onli wan us to be frenx..

todae went to queensway wit hao they all..shop till 6++ den go 165..saw him there...okay lo..didnt tok..den mi went to play awhile i dunno is shoot or throw..i aim the board not the ring..i jux wanna fa xie nia..hahawenT bacK at 9+ cox realli cannot tahan my tears le...so went back better bahx..haixx...dunno wat i doin le..feel so lost..miss his everythin...

hope he will be better bahx..w/o mi he will be happier bahx..haix..i can onli love him at a corner bahx..haixx

\\ alWaex reMeMber thaT parT of mI belOngx to U //

\\ tHnkX for aLL u haD giVen mI //

\\ mY heaRtx weLcuMx u bacK anitIme anY daEx //

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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FaN[tHinkIn of U]

zhe shi hou zui neng rang wo xiang qi ni duo xi wang ni zai zhe li oh

ni zong shi yuan yi ba ni de shou xin jie gei wo wo jin gai wang na li wo zong shi yi lai zhao ni ni shi wo de fang xiang gan oh wo ke yi que ding ni hui dai zhao wo chao dui de fang xiang qian jin

I'm thinking of you. wo you ni zhen hao ni neng rang fan nao bian de miao xiao wo yu jian yi ge zui dong wo de ren wo hui ti xing zi ji ba zhe fen ai shou hao

I'm thinking of you. wo you ni zhen hao zhi yao qian zhao ni de shou jiu zhi dao wo bu shi yi ge ren zai zhe shi jie ting kao yin wei wo yong you ni zai wo xin li

thinking of you. you ni zhen hao thinking of you. wu～e～ yin wei you ni wo kan jian shi jie de mei li

m thinking of you. wo you ni zhen hao zhi yao qian zhao ni de shou jiu zhi dao wo zao yi jing li yong yuan he que shao yin wei wo yong you ni zai wo xin

thinking of you. you ni zhen hao thinking of you. you ni zhen hao

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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FaN[ke bU ke yI bU yOng gaN]

ni yong nong nong de bi yin shuo yi dian ye mei shi fan zheng you mei you tong cai shi ai de ben zhi

yi ge ren luu xing ye xu geng you yi sihe ta zhen zheng jie shu cai neng chong xin kai shi ji nian tie xin de ri zi huan fen shou liang ge zi

ni que yan ge zhi zhun zi ji ku yi xia zi kan zhao ni nu li xiang wei xiao de yang zi wo de xin xiang da yu jiang zhi na me chao shi

wo men ke bu ke yi bu yong gandang shang tai zhong xin tai suan wu li cheng danjiu suan xian zai nuu ren hen liu xing shi ran hao xiang shen me kun jing dou zhi dao gai zen me ban

wo men ke bu ke yi bu yong gan dang ai tai lei meng tai luan mei you da an nan dao bu neng tan bai de fang sheng ku han yao cong xin di na zou yi ge ren hen tong hen nan

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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Saturday, November 06, 2004

FisH[rU gUo yOu yI tIaN]

xiang zai ye zhi neng xin shang,wei yi de he zhao yi zhangdan wang de shi nei ge jie jiaoxiang nian de shi dang shi de wei xiao.shen huo zhong jiao cuo shi wang,yue xiang nian jiu yue gu danruo zai ji muo ying tou gan shangduo gan shang yuan lai zhi shi zhen chang,ni shi bu shi ye zai ping chang,yi ge ren de ka fei he tian guangshi bu shi ye hu ran zha jue daoduo chu shi jian kan , tian se de bian huan*ru guo you yi tian, wo men zai jian mian shi jian hui bu hui dao tui yi dian ye xu wo men dou bu yuan , hu xiang shang haizhi wai de gan jueru guo you yi tian, wo men dou fa xianhao ju hao sang bu guo shi zhong zhe yanru guo wo men mei fa xianjiu gei bi ci duo yi dian shi jian
*shen huo zhong jiao cuo shi wang,yue xiang nian jiu yue gu danruo zai ji muo ying tou gan shangduo gan shang yuan lai zhi shi zhen chang,ni shi bu shi ye zai ping chang,yi ge ren de ka fei he tian guangshi bu shi ye hu ran zha jue daoduo chu shi jian kan , tian se de bian huan
repeat *

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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She[jI de YaO waNg jI]

Zai Jiu Yao Zhuan Shen Qian Hu Ran You Xiang Qi Ni Xiang Yu De Na Yi Tian Yang Zhe Wei Xiao De NiNa Ge Wei Xiao Hai Shi Hen Mei Li Ke Xi Na Ge Ren Chang Chang Yao Rang Ren Ku Qi

Tai Yao Yan De Cheng Shi Bu Shi He Kan Xing XingJiu Ru Tong Ni De Xing Bu Shi He Tan An DingXie Xie Ni Rang Wo Shang Guo XingXue Hui Ai Qing Bing Fei Zhi MiRen Gai Bian Bu Liao Gai Bian Bu Liao De Shi Qing

Ji De Yao Wang JiWang JiWo Ti Xing Zi JiNi Yi Jing Shi Ren Hai Zhong De Yi Ge Bei YingChang Chang Shi GuangWo Ying Gai Yao YouXin De Hui Yi

Ren Wu Fa Jue Ding Hui Wei Shui Dong XinDan Zhi Shao Ke Yi Jue Ding Fang Bu Fang QiWo Cheng Ren WoHai Shi Hui Ai Zhe NiDan Wo Jiang Yong Bu Zai Chu Peng Zhe Ji Yi

Ji De Yao Wang JiWang JiJing Guo Wo De Ni Bi Jing Zhi Shi Hen Ou Ran De Na Zhong Xiang YuBu Hui Bu Rong Yi Wo You Yi Bei ZiZu Gou Yong Lai Wang Ji

Ren Wu Fa Jue Ding Hui Wei Shui Dong XinDan Zhi Shao Ke Yi Jue Ding Fang Bu Fang QiWo Cheng Ren WoHai Shi Hui Ai Zhe NiDan Wo Jiang Yong Bu Zai Chu Peng Zhe Ji Yi

Ji De Yao Wang JiWang JiJing Guo Wo De NiBi Jing Zhi Shi Hen Ou Ran De Na Zhong Xiang YuBu Hui Bu Rong YiWo You Yi Bei ZiZu Gou Yong Lai Wang JiJi De Yao Wang JiWang JiJing Guo Wo De NiBi Jing Zhi Shi Hen Ou Ran De Na Zhong Xiang YuBu Hui Bu Rong YiWo You Yi Bei ZiZu Gou Yong Lai Wang JiWo Hai You Yi Bei ZiKe Yi Yong Lai Nu LiWo Yi Ding Hui Wang Ji Ni

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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BaD[wO de cUo]

Fei ji yi li kai ji chang ni xuan ze le qian wang ni de fang xiangBu zai mi wang wang le wo men ai de guo wangWang le wo gei ni de shang xue hui jian qiangCong qian de wo bu dong ni xi sheng duo da wei wo shi qu peng you bu jiangHuan fang qi le suo you meng xiang jue de mei zen yangBu hui jiang xin bi xin qu xiang rang ni man man man man shi qu le xi wang
Neng bu neng gou zai gei wo ji hui hao hao de ai ni Wo hui zi xi de ling ting ni dui wo shuo de yi yan yi yu Wo hui xue hui qu kong zhi pi qi bu rang ni shang xin Dui ni hao hao de qu zhen xi qing ni xiang xin wo de xin hai shi ai ni
Wo xiang zai zhong lai yi ci hui dao guo qu mi bu ni de shangMei na zhong shi zen yao zuo cai neng gou ting zhiHou hui jing shang ni ru ci bu zai fang si
Wei he zong dao shi qu cai dong de nan guo dang ni zai wo shen bian de shi houZong shi wei wo mo mo shou hou dou shi wei wo de cuoCuo guo zhe nan de de yong you jiu rang ni ai wo de xin man man liu zou
Neng bu neng gou zai gei wo ji hui hao hao de ai niWo hui zi xi de ling ting ni dui wo shuo de yi yan yi yuWo hui xue hui qu kong zhi pi qi bu rang ni shang xinDui ni hao hao de qu zhen xi qing ni xiang xin wo de xin hai shi ai ni

BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS
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aLL ouT of Love[air suPPly]

i'm lying alone with my head on the phonethinking of you til it hurtsi know you hurt toobut what else can we do?tormented and torn apart.

i wish i could carry your smile in my heartfor times when my life seems so lowit could make me believe what tomorrow could bringwhen today doesn't really know...doesn't really know.{chorus}i'm all out of lovei'm so lost without youi know you were rightbelieveing for so longi'm all out of lovewhat am i without youit can't be too latejust say that i was so wrong.

i want you to come backand carry me homeaway from this long lonely nighti'm reaching for youare you feeling it too?does the feeling seem oh-so-right?.and what would you sayif i called on you nowto say that i can't hold on?and there's no easy wayit gets harder each dayplease love me or i'll be gone...i'll be gone.

{chorus}.what are you thinking of?.

{chorus}

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Friday, November 05, 2004

haIx very long nv blog le..too lazi...todae thought it was supposed to be avery happi dae..but y did it turned out this wayx..mi and him r over...haix..i realli feel soo lost..he told mi tt he wanna break..he sae that he couldnt give mi happiness all that he gave was sadness...he said that i shld find sumone better den him and he said that when he belong to mi he will not leave but if he doesnt belong to mi he will have to leave..he said that he dun wan mi to wait...to cry..to hurt myself..haix...he sae why he wouldnt hold my hands..haix...

Now i noe why..cox he dun wanna mi to remember the feelin..he wanna mi to forget him..thatz is impossible..i really love him..i need him..but he jux let mi gooo..i realli dun mind if he can give mi happiness..jux as long as i can be by his side can acc him sad and happi..i very happi le..bein wit him is the happiest thing on eartH le..reallI...does he noe that by doin this i will be sadder...haixx..if he is happier w/o mi..i will leave but i will be waitin for him...

i wilL foreva waiT...but if he chOose to leave...i jux hope that he will remember mi somehow...

*i wiLL nevEr leaVe u..i wiLL alwaEs be waItiN*

*its my chOice tO waiT...to Mi u r The BesT*

*taKaX and live weLL..i noe nO mattEr hOw mucH i duN beaR..i have tO leT go..buT can i sa3 nO*

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